F is for...

I was going to write this the other day but I was so exhausted so i am hoping the inspiration is still fresh.


Well I had some really bad news this week. I didn't get into the graduate program that I applied to. I mean I worked so hard on my application. I had great recommendations, a great personal statement, the only thing I can think that  I  could have done better was maybe get a better GRE score...which  I  didn't do that bad. I was so so devastated (still am). I just wanted to cry. It was hard. My parents came in Sunday night and Monday I stayed home from work.  I was looking on my phone and saw an email titled Admissions Decision. My heart stopped...I mean it can't be good if you get an email. It said Dear Quinn, you are just not good enough, sincerely the dean of admissions. Well, it didn't say that exactly but it might as well have...there is no good way to give rejection. It was the worst time to find out.  I was excited to see my parents and hang out and be together and then all of a sudden there was a dark cloud over my day.  I didn't want to tell anyone,  I needed to just think about it and take it in. Really I needed to just be alone and cry a little, but  I was around all of my family.  I didn't want the twenty questions, what is plan B, what about this, what about that. So  I  just kept it to myself. Of course I was acting weird,  I couldn't even try to act happy,  I just tried to fade into the background or get left behind so i could have a minute to cry...which is bad because once you start you don't want to stop and then you have that lump in your throat like you can't swallow and the tears are right on the edge of spilling over and causing a flood. So I wallowed and kept it to myself. I know everyone thought i was just being a moody brat. The next day I was actually happy to go to work to be busy and not think about anything. I was still feeling bad though so I did the unthinkable. I turned to bread to drown my sorrow. I bought a loaf of garlic Parmesan bread from the Home Boy Industry http://homeboy-industries.org/ booth at the farmers market. Of course everyone knows I am on a diet and that I have been really strict about it so I told them I was getting it for my family. Secretly I was thinking that if  I eat this delicious bread I will feel better and it will soak up all of my sorrows. I went back to my cubicle and shamefully ripped off a chunk of the bread. I knew I would have to answer to my sister, but i felt like I needed it. I have to say it was the best bread in the world. Soft, the outside had the salty flavor of Parmesan and there were random gewy pieces that had whole cloves of garlic, Yummy! I had a big hunk of the bread and I feel like it made me even more hungry even though I had already eaten lunch. That is the great thing about this diet,  I have never felt hungry. The protein, fat and veggies fill me up quick so I was surprised at how much bread i ate before i was satisfied. Needless to say the bread did not soak up my sorrows, in fact it expanded them making me feel sad..and bloated. Later that night I figured I had already messed up so i had some caramel ice cream and three cookies..a little overboard. So long story long, I am back on the wagon with the diet and still a little depressed. I need to do some soul searching and figure out my next move. I realize that you cannot drown your sorrows in bread, in fact it makes the situation worse because you feel physically bad as well as mentally exhausted. Moral of the story, stick to the diet and try not to fail at life! It's never too late to start over!! 


Quinn
God is Good!